My Pathetic Obituary

I've noticed a common theme lately in conversations with friends who are either entering or are well into the second half of life--we all seem anxious to know that our lives will count for something. Here are some roughly accurate quotations:

“…I want to make a difference in people’s lives”

“…I want to write books that bring hope to women who share my struggles”

“…I want people to get back to me later and tell me that what I said changed their lives”

[and my personal favorite...]

“…I don’t want to have a pathetic obituary, like most of the ones I read in the paper”

It was during that last conversation that I started to consider how easy it is to be drawn into the mindset of the world---which is all about measurements and comparisons, even after death (how will my 10-sentence life summary measure up to the one next door?!)---and lose sight of the mindset of God, which is all about the orientation of our hearts toward Him.

This is the first and greatest commandment, Jesus said: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” Yes, yes, we religious folk respond--of course! We are to love the Lord in all those aspects as we serve Him and [here comes the shift in mindset] serving Him of course means doing and if we’re doing with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength then the results are bound to add up to something measurable and significant...In other words, there should be no pathetic obituaries for the lovers of God (or at least not for this lover of God)!!

But what if, in God’s reckoning, that which is truly significant happens in the hidden places of the heart, and may or may not translate into something that the world--including the religious world--can measure? Think, for instance, of this challenge from Jesus to the measurement approach of His religious world: “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you” (Matt. 6:5-6).

And what do you suppose the reward might be for the private time I spend turning my heart to my Abba--something visible and measurable? Something that will be recorded in a newspaper obituary?  I’m thinking the reward is a lot less tangible--perhaps a sense of confidence or freedom, or some other peaceful fruit of being in right relationship with the Lord of Creation. Kind of hard to put that outcome into words for even our most intimate friends to understand (much less for the the world to read about) but think of its immeasurable significance, both in this life and the next!

Like my friends I'd really really like to make a measurable contribution to my community---I long to make a difference, to write books that bring hope, to know for certain that I changed people's lives for the better. Will those desires translate into a dazzling obituary? Probably not. 

Good thing there's an alternative universe to live in, with a completely different reward system. Man looks on the outward appearance, and measures accordingly, but God looks on the heart, where "measurement" has no meaning.

Greeted with a Holy K.I.S.S.

Once again I'm in a swirl of anxiety about how best to use a rare block of alone-time at home. So many worthwhile things to do and so much pressure to get my priorities right!

In the past my prayer would be, "Lead me, Lord---what's your will today?!" (translation: "please help me not to get it wrong!"), but I've started to learn that at times like this the "best" prayer is to do nothing--literally nothing--except sit with the Spirit and feel what I'm feeling. So I do that, allowing the babble (Babel!) of anxious voices to flow:

"I'm afraid" (thinking of tasks I think I'm supposed to know how to do, but don't!)

"I'm ashamed" (thinking of reconnecting with friends I neglected during recent times of trouble)

"I'm overwhelmed" (thinking of ten time-sensitive projects and seeing room in my schedule for only five)

It doesn't take long for the babble to subside and for the Spirit to remind me of the devotional I dutifully skimmed this morning before my brain was even awake: "I'm grateful that [I am] a special picture frame in which You can portray Your grace and beauty, Your love, Your strength, Your faithfulness..."

What if the framing of His character is first and foremost about the orientation of my heart rather than accomplishing tasks in a certain correct order? What if it's all really really simple? I'm called to love the Lord my God and I'm called to love others. I show my heart love through actions, of course, but if performance anxiety about actions starts to cloud my heart then it's time to stop and reorient myself.

What if the work of God is simply to believe (John 6:29) and to trust that His grace-beauty-love-strength-faithfulness will somehow shine through my special, clumsy frame---not because I accomplish all my tasks with perfect prioritizing, but because in the midst of imperfection my heart is oriented to His heart? What if keeping it simple means I get to relax, over and over again into this good news: God loves and accepts me through the work of Christ on the cross, not through the work I accomplish this morning, and there's no condemnation for me even when I'm afraid or ashamed or overwhelmed.

And so, I realize, I've been given a kiss from God, not as the world gives (keep it simple, stupid) but as a loving Father gives: 

Keep it simple, sweetheart

Yes.

My New North Star

A few days ago I had an initial session with a new coaching client. As is often the case, I invited her to envision what would be the result of all the changes she wanted in her life--specifically, what words would characterize her experience of life if these things changed? The words that emerged as she talked were ENERGY, FREEDOM, ENJOYMENT, and they became the "way of being" she could anchor into as we talked about new commitments she would make going forward.

It's so clear to me how powerful such words can be when used as a North Star, a focal point and touchstone for navigating our internal conversations and our external actions. So why, I wondered as I muddled through yesterday in indecision and procrastination, do I not know exactly what my own North Star is in this season? I went to sleep last night considering the question and, as far as I can remember in my tossing and turning, spent the next four hours wrestling with it in my dreams. In the middle of the night a collection of words finally came to me with such startling clarity that I woke up, fully alert.

These were the words: "Go on--simple, humble, and unafraid to live the life."

The directive wasn't original to me--it comes verbatim from a little booklet of quotations by a minister of the Gospel. I read (and apparently memorized) the quote decades ago, and obviously it came back to me for some deeply resonating reason. I lay in my bed, pondering each word and feeling more and more energized till finally I had to get up and capture my thoughts.

...GO ON speaks to me of perseverance--the concept that kept nudging at me after recently watching Flash of Genius, a movie about an inventor who spent years building and arguing his own legal case around patent infringement. The passion and tenacity he demonstrated were both an invitation and a challenge to me to persevere in what's important to me.

...SIMPLE reminds me of people in my life--my husband is a shining example--who accomplish so much by "keeping it simple." I manage to delay and confuse myself on a regular basis by overthinking, overplanning, and overexplaining!

...HUMBLE deflates the grandiosity that is often my tilt and brings me back to earth and soil, to humus, which is the root not only of the word itself but of my very being...Gen. 3:19,"for you are dust and to dust you will return." The richest humus, full of the decaying remains of dead organisms, is also the birthplace for new life--what if an ongoing willingness to die to my ridiculous self-significance could produce ongoing shoots of newness in my life?

...UNAFRAID TO LIVE THE LIFE....I love this! It reminds me of a passage from a favorite devotional, 31 Days of Praise: "Thank You that I can move into the future nondefensively, with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead..." How gloriously free that sounds!

So here I am, short on sleep but newly oriented by a North Star that will help me navigate the coming days, weeks, and months. YES!!